Joy and Pain
You can tell I haven’t written in a while and I have a ton of emotions wrapped up into one blog so please be patient with me, the end result will be good I promise.
Let’s be honest Blogs give light to the reader, but it only goes as far as the viewer allows. I can only give
perspective to what I see in a half truth. To be honest with you, I feel as if I die emotionally every day, and I know without God’s word I would never make it. My friend Shannon emailed me a week ago and asked, ” In the blogs everything sounds wonderful, but how are you really doing” I have wrestled with that question and have come to the conclusion that I am broken and some days feel as if I can’t even move with out having a break down. I can’t paint a picture well enough for you to see clearly, but the pain here is overwhelming. I know the “good Christian” answer is that I should know that touching one life here is worth it, but I often don’t feel that way! Daily I struggle with telling a five year old girl that “everything will be okay and that Jesus loves her” and then send her home knowing she will be raped by her grandfather, beaten by her father or sold for the day to prostitution because her mom needs money for food. I sometimes shut down and don’t feel anything for anyone, because it hurts too much. Some days I act like I don’t know what happens to the children, but some days I just cry… I love it here and I know God has a purpose but I need to also let you know how hard it is, I think you deserve to know so you can better know how to pray.
Okay this blog was going to be a happy one but even in writing my struggles it has helped. I was telling you the back ground so you could rejoice in what God has done. I was journaling a few days ago and telling God that I needed to see something good, I was starting to feel like everything that happens is painful. And I just wanted a touch from my daddy. You wouldn’t believe how He heard and responded. Well many one
you know but I am a proud aunt of a beautiful girl. She was born on April 5th at 9:35am weighing 8lbs 1once, her name is Elizabeth Rose Goins but we are calling her Ellie, Many of you have been praying for the past nine months that Beth (my sister) would be protected and that the baby would make it to full term. Beth has lost two boys late in the pregnancy; Ellie is a miracle, and I am so grateful that God has brought her into the world. The latest thing that God did was touch my Grandfather who was given a few months to live due to cancer. The hardest part of leaving for Africa, was knowing that he only had 1 month left! But I felt I had to come in obedience. I received a phone call from my sister last night and his MRI came back with wonderful news. The brain tumor is not growing and they said it may not even be there…
Praise God. He is the healer and the great physician. I give him the glory!!! Life is full of pain and joy.
Maybe if we lived a life without the pain we would never know joy in it’s fullest~
Hi Heather,
Thank you for your letter and sharing a small bit of what you are experiencing. We can only get a glimpse of the ugliness and destruction of sin in relation to what God sees and hates. But He is not wringing His hands hoping for the best, but is in total control because He is God. You are evidently seeing the result of the fall of mankind in rebellion against the God of Life and peace, but it is also good to hear from you the result of God’s mercy with your grandfather and brand new niece, Elizabeth Rose.
Heather, share the gospel to those who haven’t heard it. Not just that Jesus loves them but that they are doomed to condemnation unless they come running to the Lord Jesus for mercy, resting on His sacrifice and righteousness to have a relationship with the Father of life. As you follow our Lord’s guidance, trust Him to bring the person and the situation so as to share the Good News. Because God is the One who saves, you don’t have to, only share the Word of God to them as you are made able.
I’m proud of you, love and miss you too much! dad
Hi Heather,
It is so obvious that our Father God is working through you in so many ways, many of which you are probably not aware of. You certainly are a blessing to those who receive your blogs-they are so wonderful!
To have the love of Christ so much in your heart for the suffering and lost, is a profound lesson and encouragement for us all.
We love and miss you very much, and hope when you come home, you will try to come and visit us in Greensboro for some R&R.
Love & blessings,
Bob & Pat
How amazing is our Father’s mercy, grace and love! Thank you so much for the insight to your heart! God is doing a work in others through you, but wow………. is He ever doing a work in YOU! I love watching you walk with Him and cannot wait to hear all the stories!
Much love and prayers!
To a very dear special child of God!
Heather
It is so special to read all that is going on in your life in a world that you have never been in.
A great big congratulations for the new little Niece. I would love to see her, I know she is getting lots of love from all her brothers, Mother and Dad. She looks beautiful and to think of all the joy she will bring to the family it sends goose bumps all over me. I know you will be anxious to see her when you get home, for now though, God is using you in other lives that you are touching. I pray daily for your safety and for God to sustain you while you witness His love and Mercy where you are.
Get plenty of rest and stay close to your Bible, read it every day, God has something special for you as you wait on Him daily.
Thanks for all the specific prayer request that we can pray for you.
Even though we are miles apart, my spirit feels like I have held you in my arms as I think of your sweet spirit.
Love and Prayers
Grandma White (Barbara)
“I love being here” says it all. Love You.
I empathize with the pain-filled, beginning picture of this blogthe same stories echo throughout America’s Indian reservations. It would be very hard for me to live daily among the Native people, although that’s what I really would like to do.
Hello Heather,
I can feel your broken heart in your words and I hope you know now why I was praying that God would “protect your heart” while you were in Swazi. All I can say is I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that we live in a fallen world and that people, when left to themselves, destroy themselves from the inside out. I’m sorry that it seems that girls everywhere are being scarred by their own “friends” and “family.” And I’m sorry that part of your heart will never be the same because of what you’ve witnessed. But for some reason, God needs you to see what you’re seeing. Maybe it’s for something He has for you down the road? Maybe He’s allowed something in your past to prepare you to love the children you’re loving now? I don’t know. But I trust God and I know He loves you. We all love you.
You REALLY do make God smile!
Scott