The Lord is my Shepherd I will never be in want or need, He makes a way for me to lie dawn in green pastures, He leads me beside the stillness of the water, He brings restoration to my soul He leads me to the paths of righteousness for the very sake of his name. Even as I walk through the valley of the unknown the darkness and pain, I will not fear because He is right beside me; He leads me with His staff and prepares a banquet before me in the presence of the ones who want to harm me. He pours oil on my head and calls me His anointed, I know that goodness and mercy will follow me the rest of my days, and I will dwell in His presence all the days of my life! Psalm 23 (Heather's version)
I was reading this the other night and it hit me… Words jumped out with a different meaning, not the usual feeling you get when this is read at a funeral or hearing it for the hundredth time being read to the sick, no this time it was for me… He was talking to me as my shepherd and showing me how the shepherd leads his flock, how he cares and looks ahead, how he plans out the path he will take us on… the gentle way he allows us to lie down when we need rest, or the favor he shows as he feeds us before our enemies. The staff is used to ward off the enemy and to bring safety to His flock, how he allows us to walk through the valley, not carrying us but leading us through and protecting us all the way. That is how I know that mercy and goodness is with me, that is His very character… He is goodness and He is mercy!
I am soaking in His goodness today, knowing that the fear and doubt that we face are so small to our Shepherd… if I would only allow Him to lead!
Today we set aside our normal routines and daily activities to give thanks…
I wish I had this mindset everyday, looking at everything that that takes place around me, seeing things through a "thankful heart" Living in a world that is fallen and feeling the effects of that daily, I am truly enjoying this day, it brings me to the place of love, and joy… Being with family, the smell of fresh pie, the air crisp and clean, I breathe deep to take in everything. The feeling I have today… that feeling that everything seems ok! Today I am grateful. I don't want to live this one day a year. The things that are important and the people we love, the gratitude we have for our Savior and the love that is shared between family and friends. I was looking back over this past year, the places I went and where the Lord met me, the hardships and the trials seem small in comparison to what God has done in my heart. The closeness that I enjoy with Jesus seems to melt away the fears and the questions that I so often would ask.
Today I lift my hands to a God that is worthy; I sing praise to His name and exalt His name above every name. I want to lie at His feet and just take a breath… Not thinking about all that is happening around me, just breathe, I love that He meets us where we are, I love that He rejoices with us and feels the pain that we feel. Today I worship a God that is personal and good, but today will go and tomorrow will have trials of its own… I will continue lifting thanksgiving and praise, He is the giver of life and I want my life to be a reflection of His love and grace to those around me, the people I come in contact with daily… Not just my close friends and family, but the women behind the counter, the little girl that feels left out, to the person who just needs a smile, a hug… Isn't it amazing that even in our weakness and sinfulness we are we are called to be like Him? Thank you God for being personal and real… I am grateful for each of you as well! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Looking back at the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions… Pain, Joy, Triumph, Defeat…
It is crazy that when you are in the situation, the only reasonable thing to do is to question why is this happening? At least that is where I go, God why do you let bad things happen? How can I process what I am seeing everyday? Where are you in this journey? What are you asking of me?
This journey we call "life" is tough and the past few months (maybe yearJ) I have been asking God, why? I was hit so hard by the day to day life that happens that I forgot to sit before the Lord, to be still and know that He is my God, I had to come home due to sickness and being home has been a blessing, but I still see the children of Africa with every blink of the eye, I hear them singing in my sleep but wake up to silence, I remember the smells and the feeling of holding the little ones and I miss it. When I returned home, the questions didn't stop… More happened with my family, illnesses and unanswered questions but I think that I have come to the point, that this life was never meant to be easy, When Jesus called His disciples He made clear what the call was, it wasn't easy and when they said yes they knew without a doubt what Jesus expected. I am reading the "Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus and this is a quote form the book: They (disciples) trusted Jesus with their lives, and they lost their lives on the journey. If you could interview any one of them, each would insist that even in the midst of suffering and hardship, he was most fully alive. They were not disappointed in God because they did not misunderstand who He was. They understood His call, and they chose it willingly! Some barbarians survive the night in the lions den; others experience their darkest night and wake in eternity!
This resonated with my spirit in a deep way, who are we as followers of Christ to think we deserve anything more than what Jesus experienced. We desire a life of health and think that it is our right to question when something happens with our finances, or we become ill. We deserve nothing more than what was handed to the disciples and to Jesus Himself. I am still trying to get to a point where I walk this out but it is what my heart is screaming.
I am helping with the First Year Missions doing Discipleship and ministry with them in South Africa; we came to Swaziland for a week outreach. I have been doing hospital ministry this week in Swazi... I forgot how much I love it here, I go to the baby ward and pray with the mom's and spend time with them, even teaching them how to care for the babies, they don't have the mother instinct, they receive it well and it helps me build relations with them... I then OF COURSE spend time with the babies, holding them, praying for them and trying to be Jesus to them... This week I had a connection with 5 babies and parents 3 have died and one is one the way... the other day I was holding this baby who was an abortion gone bad, she had burn marks all over her body and was in so much pain, I prayed so hard for her... her name was Papilla it means "life" her mom left her and the dad was trying to take care of her, but didn't know the first thing about babies, I talked to him and showed him how to change her diaper and to hold the baby close, she had ants crawling on her cause the baby was laying in blankets full of pee, as I was changing her I felt how stiff she was, and she was clammy cold.... Little did I know that she was dying, I have never felt anyone like that, and it broke my heart to hear that she died hours after I left. Yesterday I was with a little boy, he hasn't eaten in 7 days and was stiff and cold just like papilla, I couldn't stop crying, all these babies are dying and don't have a chance! Marissa asked the nurses why they are dying. She told her they have diarrhea, Marissa said that wouldn't kill them, and then she told they have AIDS and never live more than three months. It has been killing me, it is hard because God has given me the compassion and I have such a heart for them but it is killing me inside to hold dying babies. I need prayer for peace in my spirit. Pray for courage to be with the mothers afterwards and the words that I speak to be from the Lord. I want nothing of myself… I can say nothing to comfort and bring peace, these people need Jesus. I am just the empty vessel that He is choosing to use… I feel weak and unprepared, but I am walking in this in faith, knowing that He is with me. Pray for Life for these precious little ones, and pray for the mothers as they come to the hospital that Jesus will meet them and they will find peace and comfort in the midst of loss. I am heading back to South Africa on Monday; I will continue to work with the First Year Mission teams until I come home for Christmas. I am excited to see all that God is doing within this team of young students.
In this rejoice, though now for a little while you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith may be found to result in praise… 1 Peter 6-7
So that your faith may be found to result in praise, I can't get past this sentence! I have been so caught up on the things that surround me, the hardships and I have viewed them as attacks from the enemy and have given into doubt, and in that allowed my spirit to weaken. I have forgotten the most important factor; my praise should be the end result! I have friends who have told me "my praise will be my defense" I am learning this process of praise, praising God not just when He decides to bless me, not when I am having a perfect day, not when he prepares the way and makes my path smooth, but in the hard times. I want to praise His name when I find out my Dad has cancer, I want to praise Him even if my little niece isn't healed, or when my Grandfather's cancer has relapsed, I want to praise Him when I get a phone call that my aunt has died, I want to praise Him before I know if I will be able to adopt Rose… I want to praise Him… He deserves nothing less than my praise. He is God and who am I to dictate what His plan should be, who am I that He should please me? We are created to bring honor, glory and praise to our Father, our King, and Our Creator! Not only does He deserve my praise… He is so worthy!
Tembisa is a Squatter Camp about thirty minutes from where I live in South Africa; it is where I met a little boy named Veli. Five months old at the time, his mother seventeen. They live with a husband and wife who have taken in 30 children ages between 0-19
Veli's birth mother decided that it would be best to give Veli up for adoption. A team had come through SA and a lady met Veli. She heard of my vision to start an abandon baby's home and she asked me if I would consider taking this little boy in… I knew something had to happen but I wasn't sure I was to be the one to take in Veli. I went down to see my friend Luiza and ask her to pray, I couldn't even finish my sentence before she was screaming "this boy is mine" God has been preparing me for this for a year" I have to say I was confused, not sure how to respond but I felt it was right. The following day Lu went to Tembisa to talk with the mother and she handed Veli over to Lu within 24 hrs. I am not sure I can put into words how God worked in this situation, you see it was urgent that Veli get the care he needed, simple needs such as food, shelter and a loving mother, he has HIV and needs treatment immediately, God knew it was urgent and He made it happen. I consider Veli the first baby to "Redeemed home" the baby home that I am starting, my vision for the baby home was 6 children; here at Alabanza I am so grateful that God placed this vision, and now He is doing the work. I stand in awe at the goodness of our loving Father. He says to take care of the orphans and when we say yes to him he prepares the way! We are praying for Veli's healing, strength to his body and that he will grow up to bring light to this nation. Will you join me in prayer for Luiza and Veli, they are beginning their life as Mother and son, the bonding is incredible to watch. She is a wonderful mother and he has brought so much joy to Alabanza.
Many of you know and are praying for my five month old niece Ellie Rose, She has had a lot of trouble with her eye, she is blind in one eye, but we are praising God that is all that is going on. We were not sure we would even get the privilege to meet Ellie, Beth has lost two babies right before Ellie and The Doctors told my sister that if she didn't go on medicine for her thyroid than Ellie would die as well, and if she took the medication than the risk would be high that Ellie may not even be able to function. I knew that my niece was set apart and that God had big plans for her, but this story confirms it. The letter below is from my sister Beth. Please be in pray for them.
Today they removed Ellie's cataract and detached the blood vessels. The detaching did cause her eye to bleed but they were able to stop it and continue. In addition to these 2 things there is a 3rd. The retina has detached itself. What does that mean? You have to have the retina in order to see at all. There is a slight chance it will reattach itself. If it does not, she will have no sight in the left eye. They are not fitting her with a contact or implant since it will do no good. She would have to have some sight to start with. This also means no patch. This has moved from being "uncommon" too rare. We've jokingly said we've gone from being 1 child in 30 thousand to 1 child in 3 million. What can I say; Ellie is not your average girl. How do I feel about this? She's here!!!! God is not through with her yet! Tell your people to PRAY!!!!!!!!!! We have to bring her back in 2 weeks (Tuesday) for them to put her under AGAIN to determine if the retina is going to reattach. Concern...I don't want her to have to deal with a lazy eye or a wandering eye. Vanity maybe but I want my little girl to feel as beautiful as she is.
Tell your people thank you so very much for praying. God is doing something BIG. I can't wait to find out what it is. We don't want to get discouraged so lift us up on that one, too.Thanks, Beth (For the Goins Family)
Remember Lord what has befallen us. Look and see our disgrace!
Our inheritance has been turned over to strangers; our homes to foreigners, we have become orphans, fatherless, and mother's are like widows. We must pay for the water we drink; the wood we gather must be bought, we are weary and are given no rest. Our father's have sinned and are no more and we bear their iniquities. Our skin is hot as an oven with the flaming heat of famine. Women are raped, young women in the towns. Princes are hung by their hands; no respect is given to the elders. Young men grind at the mill and boys stagger under loads of wood. The old men have left the city gate; young men have left their music. The joy of our hearts has ceased and our dancing has been turned into mourning, our heart has become sick, for these things our eyes have grown dim. But you O Lord reign forever, your throne endures to all generations. Restore us to yourself, that we may be restored. Lamentations 5
As I read this passage something weld up inside me. This was written about Swaziland, this was written about South Africa… It was as if someone had written it yesterday. I could not give you a better description of the heartache and trails they face here.
We left Swaziland and headed to South Africa last Monday. God has really moved this week. I have spent a good amount of time at the hospitals and the squatter camps; the hospital has been my heart. I have never experienced a place so ripe for harvest, people come to you and ask for prayer, the say to you "Tell me about Jesus, I don't know Him" yesterday I spent the afternoon in the ICU for preemies.
I prayed life for the babies and health; I prayed that God would use them for His kingdom and for His glory. I spent time with the mother's getting to know the nurses and the peace that filled that room was heavenly. God has placed such a strong vision of taking care of the babies here but also he is growing the vision to help the women here, the new mothers, and those who have lost their babies. Please pray that God will continue to guide me in this process of starting my life here. Pray for peace as I follow blindly. Pray that the enemy will be silenced! I love South Africa, I am so glad to be back here. God is so faithful and I am still falling more in love with Him daily! He blows my mind!!!!
Well I have found it harder to blog while being here and leading a team of twelve but here I am and I have lot's to tell you. Let me offer a glimpse of my day today.
I started the morning asking God to truly show Himself to our team, to allow us to see with "Kingdom eyes" To be broken for the things that break God's heart. He came in a way I was not ready for. As we drove into the Squatter Camp you could sense the darkness. Evil was more intense there today. I know I have talked to you about the squatter camp but I don't think I have mentioned the "Tree Line" This is a place where the young girls go to "sell themselves" for a loaf of bread or a piece of fruit. It is one thing to hear about these stories; it is another to put a face with the story.
We met a family of four sisters all under the age of ten and three of the four girls sell themselves every night.
Did you hear what I said? All under the age of ten. This is a way of life for them; it is a way to provide for the family and a way to earn respect in the home. They don't smile, they don't laugh, they simply sit and stare, they don't even know how to be loved. When you try to pick them up, they are stiff and are stand offish. After a while the trust is earned knowing that you are not out to hurt them or take something away from them and they begin to warm up. The smiles come and the giggles of a careless child start to flow. I know now that God is faithful and his heart is breaking for these precious little ones. Will you pray for someone to rise up and teach this young generation to be children again, to trust in a God that provides. I believe that the Squatter camp will be a place of hope, love and forgiveness. I am excited to see lives changed for His glory!
Today I woke up to the beautiful sound of roosters crowing, goats crying and cows running down the dirt road… It is my birthday and I had to laugh at God's humor! What a fun way to start the day, Well I am back in Africa leading the "real life" team and living in Swazi for the winter (your summer) The homestead we are living in has about fifty goats and twice as many chickens. I love it here. I love that as you walk or drive down the roads in America you have to share with the "bikers" but here you share with every farm animal you can imagine. I wish you could all come to experience the joy it is to lay down your American rights and just be, living with the people of Swazi has already taught me so much, the joy that they have is beyond me. I now know God gives grace to the broken. Can I tell you about a little boy named Zachela…? He showed up on our homestead the day we arrived, and we have somewhat adopted him in to our family of 14, he will come early in the morning to eat with us and we give him a "babywipe" bath, this only makes him somewhat clean, his only outfit smells of soiled urine. Today I asked one of our brothers what his story was. He said that both parents abandoned him and he now lives with his granddad, the problem with this is that his grandfather will leave him for days, sometimes a week at a time to live by himself with no food or water. One of the team members had gone to the bathroom (outhouse) and heard a noise; she was shocked to see Zachela lying in the ditch next to our house. It breaks my heart to know he suffers from lack of love but the smile on his face is real, he has joy… He will be with us as long as the Lord allows, he is one of us and we take him most everywhere. Please pray for him and all the others who are suffering, that they will find peace, love and joy ion the midst of the brokenness.
Today we set aside our normal routines and daily activities to give thanks… 
Looking back at the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions… Pain, Joy, Triumph, Defeat… 
I am helping with the First Year Missions doing Discipleship and ministry with them in South Africa; we came to Swaziland for a week outreach. I have been doing hospital ministry this week in Swazi... I forgot how much I love it here, I go to the baby ward and pray with the mom's and spend time with them, even teaching them how to care for the babies, they don't have the mother instinct, they receive it well and it helps me build relations with them... I then OF COURSE spend time with the babies, holding them, praying for them and trying to be Jesus to them... This week I had a connection with 5 babies and parents 3 have died and one is one the way... the other day I was holding this baby who was an abortion gone bad, she had burn marks all over her body and was in so much pain, I prayed so hard for her... her name was Papilla it means "life" her mom left her and the dad was trying to take care of her, but didn't know the first thing about babies, I talked to him and showed him how to change her diaper and to hold the baby close, she had ants crawling on her cause the baby was laying in blankets full of pee, as I was changing her I felt how stiff she was, and she was clammy cold.... Little did I know that she was dying, I have never felt anyone like that, and it broke my heart to hear that she died hours after I left. Yesterday I was with a little boy, he hasn't eaten in 7 days and was stiff and cold just like papilla, I couldn't stop crying, all these babies are dying and don't have a chance! Marissa asked the nurses why they are dying. She told her they have diarrhea, Marissa said that wouldn't kill them, and then she told they have AIDS and never live more than three months. It has been killing me, it is hard because God has given me the compassion and I have such a heart for them but it is killing me inside to hold dying babies. I need prayer for peace in my spirit. Pray for courage to be with the mothers afterwards and the words that I speak to be from the Lord. I want nothing of myself… I can say nothing to comfort and bring peace, these people need Jesus. I am just the empty vessel that He is choosing to use… I feel weak and unprepared, but I am walking in this in faith, knowing that He is with me. Pray for Life for these precious little ones, and pray for the mothers as they come to the hospital that Jesus will meet them and they will find peace and comfort in the midst of loss. I am heading back to South Africa on Monday; I will continue to work with the First Year Mission teams until I come home for Christmas. I am excited to see all that God is doing within this team of young students. 
So that your faith may be found to result in praise, I can't get past this sentence! I have been so caught up on the things that surround me, the hardships and I have viewed them as attacks from the enemy and have given into doubt, and in that allowed my spirit to weaken. I have forgotten the most important factor; my praise should be the end result! I have friends who have told me "my praise will be my defense" I am learning this process of praise, praising God not just when He decides to bless me, not when I am having a perfect day, not when he prepares the way and makes my path smooth, but in the hard times. I want to praise His name when I find out my Dad has cancer, I want to praise Him even if my little niece isn't healed, or when my Grandfather's cancer has relapsed, I want to praise Him when I get a phone call that my aunt has died, I want to praise Him before I know if I will be able to adopt Rose… I want to praise Him… He deserves nothing less than my praise. He is God and who am I to dictate what His plan should be, who am I that He should please me? We are created to bring honor, glory and praise to our Father, our King, and Our Creator! Not only does He deserve my praise… He is so worthy! 
Many of you know and are praying for my five month old niece Ellie Rose, She has had a lot of trouble with her eye, she is blind in one eye, but we are praising God that is all that is going on. We were not sure we would even get the privilege to meet Ellie, Beth has lost two babies right before Ellie and The Doctors told my sister that if she didn't go on medicine for her thyroid than Ellie would die as well, and if she took the medication than the risk would be high that Ellie may not even be able to function. I knew that my niece was set apart and that God had big plans for her, but this story confirms it. The letter below is from my sister Beth. Please be in pray for them. 
Well I have found it harder to blog while being here and leading a team of twelve but here I am and I have lot's to tell you. Let me offer a glimpse of my day today. 
Did you hear what I said? All under the age of ten. This is a way of life for them; it is a way to provide for the family and a way to earn respect in the home. They don't smile, they don't laugh, they simply sit and stare, they don't even know how to be loved. When you try to pick them up, they are stiff and are stand offish. After a while the trust is earned knowing that you are not out to hurt them or take something away from them and they begin to warm up. The smiles come and the giggles of a careless child start to flow. I know now that God is faithful and his heart is breaking for these precious little ones. Will you pray for someone to rise up and teach this young generation to be children again, to trust in a God that provides. I believe that the Squatter camp will be a place of hope, love and forgiveness. I am excited to see lives changed for His glory! 
Today I woke up to the beautiful sound of roosters crowing, goats crying and cows running down the dirt road… It is my birthday and I had to laugh at God's humor! What a fun way to start the day, Well I am back in Africa leading the "real life" team and living in Swazi for the winter (your summer) The homestead we are living in has about fifty goats and twice as many chickens. I love it here. I love that as you walk or drive down the roads in America you have to share with the "bikers" but here you share with every farm animal you can imagine. I wish you could all come to experience the joy it is to lay down your American rights and just be, living with the people of Swazi has already taught me so much, the joy that they have is beyond me. I now know God gives grace to the broken. Can I tell you about a little boy named Zachela…? He showed up on our homestead the day we arrived, and we have somewhat adopted him in to our family of 14, he will come early in the morning to eat with us and we give him a "babywipe" bath, this only makes him somewhat clean, his only outfit smells of soiled urine. Today I asked one of our brothers what his story was. He said that both parents abandoned him and he now lives with his granddad, the problem with this is that his grandfather will leave him for days, sometimes a week at a time to live by himself with no food or water. One of the team members had gone to the bathroom (outhouse) and heard a noise; she was shocked to see Zachela lying in the ditch next to our house. It breaks my heart to know he suffers from lack of love but the smile on his face is real, he has joy… He will be with us as long as the Lord allows, he is one of us and we take him most everywhere. Please pray for him and all the others who are suffering, that they will find peace, love and joy ion the midst of the brokenness.