You can tell I haven't written in a while and I have a ton of emotions wrapped up into one blog so please be patient with me, the end result will be good I promise.

Let's be honest Blogs give light to the reader, but it only goes as far as the viewer allows. I can only give

perspective to what I see in a half truth. To be honest with you, I feel as if I die emotionally every day, and I know without God's word I would never make it. My friend Shannon emailed me a week ago and asked, " In the blogs everything sounds wonderful, but how are you really doing" I have wrestled with that question and have come to the conclusion that I am broken and some days feel as if I can't even move with out having a break down. I can't paint a picture well enough for you to see clearly, but the pain here is overwhelming. I know the "good Christian" answer is that I should know that touching one life here is worth it, but I often don't feel that way! Daily I struggle with telling a five year old girl that "everything will be okay and that Jesus loves her" and then send her home knowing she will be raped by her grandfather, beaten by her father or sold for the day to prostitution because her mom needs money for food. I sometimes shut down and don't feel anything for anyone, because it hurts too much. Some days I act like I don't know what happens to the children, but some days I just cry… I love it here and I know God has a purpose but I need to also let you know how hard it is, I think you deserve to know so you can better know how to pray.

Okay this blog was going to be a happy one but even in writing my struggles it has helped. I was telling you the back ground so you could rejoice in what God has done. I was journaling a few days ago and telling God that I needed to see something good, I was starting to feel like everything that happens is painful. And I just wanted a touch from my daddy. You wouldn't believe how He heard and responded. Well many one  

you know but I am a proud aunt of a beautiful girl. She was born on April 5^th at 9:35am weighing 8lbs 1once, her name is Elizabeth Rose Goins but we are calling her Ellie, Many of you have been praying for the past nine months that Beth (my sister) would be protected and that the baby would make it to full term. Beth has lost two boys late in the pregnancy; Ellie is a miracle, and I am so grateful that God has brought her into the world. The latest thing that God did was touch my Grandfather who was given a few months to live due to cancer. The hardest part of leaving for Africa, was knowing that he only had 1 month left! But I felt I had to come in obedience. I received a phone call from my sister last night and his MRI came back with wonderful news. The brain tumor is not growing and they said it may not even be there…

Praise God. He is the healer and the great physician. I give him the glory!!! Life is full of pain and joy.

Maybe if we lived a life without the pain we would never know joy in it's fullest~