Heather Mason - Adventures In Missions -

Gentle Shepherd

Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

The Lord is my Shepherd I will never be in want or need, He makes a way for me to lie dawn in green pastures, He leads me beside the stillness of the water, He brings restoration to my soul He leads me to the paths of righteousness for the very sake of his name. Even as I walk through the valley of the unknown the darkness and pain, I will not fear because He is right beside me; He leads me with His staff and prepares a banquet before me in the presence of the ones who want to harm me. He pours oil on my head and calls me His anointed, I know that goodness and mercy will follow me the rest of my days, and I will dwell in His presence all the days of my life! Psalm 23 (Heather's version)

I was reading this the other night and it hit me Words jumped out with a different meaning, not the usual feeling you get when this is read at a funeral or hearing it for the hundredth time being read to the sick, no this time it was for me He was talking to me as my shepherd and showing me how the shepherd leads his flock, how he cares and looks ahead, how he plans out the path he will take us on the gentle way he allows us to lie down when we need rest, or the favor he shows as he feeds us before our enemies. The staff is used to ward off the enemy and to bring safety to His flock, how he allows us to walk through the valley, not carrying us but leading us through and protecting us all the way. That is how I know that mercy and goodness is with me, that is His very character He is goodness and He is mercy!

I am soaking in His goodness today, knowing that the fear and doubt that we face are so small to our Shepherd if I would only allow Him to lead!

Thanksgiving

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Today we set aside our normal routines and daily activities to give thanks

I wish I had this mindset everyday, looking at everything that that takes place around me, seeing things through a "thankful heart" Living in a world that is fallen and feeling the effects of that daily, I am truly enjoying this day, it brings me to the place of love, and joy Being with family, the smell of fresh pie, the air crisp and clean, I breathe deep to take in everything. The feeling I have today that feeling that everything seems ok! Today I am grateful. I don't want to live this one day a year. The things that are important and the people we love, the gratitude we have for our Savior and the love that is shared between family and friends. I was looking back over this past year, the places I went and where the Lord met me, the hardships and the trials seem small in comparison to what God has done in my heart. The closeness that I enjoy with Jesus seems to melt away the fears and the questions that I so often would ask.

Today I lift my hands to a God that is worthy; I sing praise to His name and exalt His name above every name. I want to lie at His feet and just take a breath Not thinking about all that is happening around me, just breathe, I love that He meets us where we are, I love that He rejoices with us and feels the pain that we feel. Today I worship a God that is personal and good, but today will go and tomorrow will have trials of its own I will continue lifting thanksgiving and praise, He is the giver of life and I want my life to be a reflection of His love and grace to those around me, the people I come in contact with daily Not just my close friends and family, but the women behind the counter, the little girl that feels left out, to the person who just needs a smile, a hug Isn't it amazing that even in our weakness and sinfulness we are we are called to be like Him? Thank you God for being personal and real I am grateful for each of you as well! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

The Barbarian Way

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Looking back at the last few months have been a whirlwind of emotions Pain, Joy, Triumph, Defeat

It is crazy that when you are in the situation, the only reasonable thing to do is to question why is this happening? At least that is where I go, God why do you let bad things happen? How can I process what I am seeing everyday? Where are you in this journey? What are you asking of me?

This journey we call "life" is tough and the past few months (maybe yearJ) I have been asking God, why? I was hit so hard by the day to day life that happens that I forgot to sit before the Lord, to be still and know that He is my God, I had to come home due to sickness and being home has been a blessing, but I still see the children of Africa with every blink of the eye, I hear them singing in my sleep but wake up to silence, I remember the smells and the feeling of holding the little ones and I miss it. When I returned home, the questions didn't stop More happened with my family, illnesses and unanswered questions but I think that I have come to the point, that this life was never meant to be easy, When Jesus called His disciples He made clear what the call was, it wasn't easy and when they said yes they knew without a doubt what Jesus expected. I am reading the "Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus and this is a quote form the book: They (disciples) trusted Jesus with their lives, and they lost their lives on the journey. If you could interview any one of them, each would insist that even in the midst of suffering and hardship, he was most fully alive. They were not disappointed in God because they did not misunderstand who He was. They understood His call, and they chose it willingly! Some barbarians survive the night in the lions den; others experience their darkest night and wake in eternity!

This resonated with my spirit in a deep way, who are we as followers of Christ to think we deserve anything more than what Jesus experienced. We desire a life of health and think that it is our right to question when something happens with our finances, or we become ill. We deserve nothing more than what was handed to the disciples and to Jesus Himself. I am still trying to get to a point where I walk this out but it is what my heart is screaming.

Heavens Babies

Fri, 5 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I am helping with the First Year Missions doing Discipleship and ministry with them in South Africa; we came to Swaziland for a week outreach. I have been doing hospital ministry this week in Swazi... I forgot how much I love it here, I go to the baby ward and pray with the mom's and spend time with them, even teaching them how to care for the babies, they don't have the mother instinct, they receive it well and it helps me build relations with them... I then OF COURSE spend time with the babies, holding them, praying for them and trying to be Jesus to them... This week I had a connection with 5 babies and parents 3 have died and one is one the way... the other day I was holding this baby who was an abortion gone bad, she had burn marks all over her body and was in so much pain, I prayed so hard for her... her name was Papilla it means "life" her mom left her and the dad was trying to take care of her, but didn't know the first thing about babies, I talked to him and showed him how to change her diaper and to hold the baby close, she had ants crawling on her cause the baby was laying in blankets full of pee, as I was changing her I felt how stiff she was, and she was clammy cold.... Little did I know that she was dying, I have never felt anyone like that, and it broke my heart to hear that she died hours after I left. Yesterday I was with a little boy, he hasn't eaten in 7 days and was stiff and cold just like papilla, I couldn't stop crying, all these babies are dying and don't have a chance! Marissa asked the nurses why they are dying. She told her they have diarrhea, Marissa said that wouldn't kill them, and then she told they have AIDS and never live more than three months. It has been killing me, it is hard because God has given me the compassion and I have such a heart for them but it is killing me inside to hold dying babies. I need prayer for peace in my spirit. Pray for courage to be with the mothers afterwards and the words that I speak to be from the Lord. I want nothing of myself I can say nothing to comfort and bring peace, these people need Jesus. I am just the empty vessel that He is choosing to use I feel weak and unprepared, but I am walking in this in faith, knowing that He is with me. Pray for Life for these precious little ones, and pray for the mothers as they come to the hospital that Jesus will meet them and they will find peace and comfort in the midst of loss. I am heading back to South Africa on Monday; I will continue to work with the First Year Mission teams until I come home for Christmas. I am excited to see all that God is doing within this team of young students.

Praise will be the end result...

Fri, 21 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

In this rejoice, though now for a little while you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith may be found to result in praise 1 Peter 6-7

So that your faith may be found to result in praise, I can't get past this sentence! I have been so caught up on the things that surround me, the hardships and I have viewed them as attacks from the enemy and have given into doubt, and in that allowed my spirit to weaken. I have forgotten the most important factor; my praise should be the end result! I have friends who have told me "my praise will be my defense" I am learning this process of praise, praising God not just when He decides to bless me, not when I am having a perfect day, not when he prepares the way and makes my path smooth, but in the hard times. I want to praise His name when I find out my Dad has cancer, I want to praise Him even if my little niece isn't healed, or when my Grandfather's cancer has relapsed, I want to praise Him when I get a phone call that my aunt has died, I want to praise Him before I know if I will be able to adopt Rose I want to praise Him He deserves nothing less than my praise. He is God and who am I to dictate what His plan should be, who am I that He should please me? We are created to bring honor, glory and praise to our Father, our King, and Our Creator! Not only does He deserve my praise He is so worthy!

The Miracle of Veli

Wed, 5 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Tembisa is a Squatter Camp about thirty minutes from where I live in South Africa; it is where I met a little boy named Veli. Five months old at the time, his mother seventeen. They live with a husband and wife who have taken in 30 children ages between 0-19

Veli's birth mother decided that it would be best to give Veli up for adoption. A team had come through SA and a lady met Veli. She heard of my vision to start an abandon baby's home and she asked me if I would consider taking this little boy in I knew something had to happen but I wasn't sure I was to be the one to take in Veli. I went down to see my friend Luiza and ask her to pray, I couldn't even finish my sentence before she was screaming "this boy is mine" God has been preparing me for this for a year" I have to say I was confused, not sure how to respond but I felt it was right. The following day Lu went to Tembisa to talk with the mother and she handed Veli over to Lu within 24 hrs. I am not sure I can put into words how God worked in this situation, you see it was urgent that Veli get the care he needed, simple needs such as food, shelter and a loving mother, he has HIV and needs treatment immediately, God knew it was urgent and He made it happen. I consider Veli the first baby to "Redeemed home" the baby home that I am starting, my vision for the baby home was 6 children; here at Alabanza I am so grateful that God placed this vision, and now He is doing the work. I stand in awe at the goodness of our loving Father. He says to take care of the orphans and when we say yes to him he prepares the way! We are praying for Veli's healing, strength to his body and that he will grow up to bring light to this nation. Will you join me in prayer for Luiza and Veli, they are beginning their life as Mother and son, the bonding is incredible to watch. She is a wonderful mother and he has brought so much joy to Alabanza.

Ellie Rose Goins

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Many of you know and are praying for my five month old niece Ellie Rose, She has had a lot of trouble with her eye, she is blind in one eye, but we are praising God that is all that is going on. We were not sure we would even get the privilege to meet Ellie, Beth has lost two babies right before Ellie and The Doctors told my sister that if she didn't go on medicine for her thyroid than Ellie would die as well, and if she took the medication than the risk would be high that Ellie may not even be able to function. I knew that my niece was set apart and that God had big plans for her, but this story confirms it. The letter below is from my sister Beth. Please be in pray for them.

Today they removed Ellie's cataract and detached the blood vessels. The detaching did cause her eye to bleed but they were able to stop it and continue. In addition to these 2 things there is a 3rd. The retina has detached itself. What does that mean? You have to have the retina in order to see at all. There is a slight chance it will reattach itself. If it does not, she will have no sight in the left eye. They are not fitting her with a contact or implant since it will do no good. She would have to have some sight to start with. This also means no patch. This has moved from being "uncommon" too rare. We've jokingly said we've gone from being 1 child in 30 thousand to 1 child in 3 million. What can I say; Ellie is not your average girl. How do I feel about this? She's here!!!! God is not through with her yet! Tell your people to PRAY!!!!!!!!!! We have to bring her back in 2 weeks (Tuesday) for them to put her under AGAIN to determine if the retina is going to reattach. Concern...I don't want her to have to deal with a lazy eye or a wandering eye. Vanity maybe but I want my little girl to feel as beautiful as she is.

Tell your people thank you so very much for praying. God is doing something BIG. I can't wait to find out what it is. We don't want to get discouraged so lift us up on that one, too.Thanks, Beth (For the Goins Family)

God is moving...

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Remember Lord what has befallen us. Look and see our disgrace!
Our inheritance has been turned over to strangers; our homes to foreigners, we have become orphans, fatherless, and mother's are like widows. We must pay for the water we drink; the wood we gather must be bought, we are weary and are given no rest. Our father's have sinned and are no more and we bear their iniquities. Our skin is hot as an oven with the flaming heat of famine. Women are raped, young women in the towns. Princes are hung by their hands; no respect is given to the elders. Young men grind at the mill and boys stagger under loads of wood. The old men have left the city gate; young men have left their music. The joy of our hearts has ceased and our dancing has been turned into mourning, our heart has become sick, for these things our eyes have grown dim. But you O Lord reign forever, your throne endures to all generations. Restore us to yourself, that we may be restored. Lamentations 5

As I read this passage something weld up inside me. This was written about Swaziland, this was written about South Africa It was as if someone had written it yesterday. I could not give you a better description of the heartache and trails they face here.

We left Swaziland and headed to South Africa last Monday. God has really moved this week. I have spent a good amount of time at the hospitals and the squatter camps; the hospital has been my heart. I have never experienced a place so ripe for harvest, people come to you and ask for prayer, the say to you "Tell me about Jesus, I don't know Him" yesterday I spent the afternoon in the ICU for preemies.
I prayed life for the babies and health; I prayed that God would use them for His kingdom and for His glory. I spent time with the mother's getting to know the nurses and the peace that filled that room was heavenly. God has placed such a strong vision of taking care of the babies here but also he is growing the vision to help the women here, the new mothers, and those who have lost their babies. Please pray that God will continue to guide me in this process of starting my life here. Pray for peace as I follow blindly. Pray that the enemy will be silenced! I love South Africa, I am so glad to be back here. God is so faithful and I am still falling more in love with Him daily! He blows my mind!!!!

The Treeline

Tue, 3 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Well I have found it harder to blog while being here and leading a team of twelve but here I am and I have lot's to tell you. Let me offer a glimpse of my day today.

I started the morning asking God to truly show Himself to our team, to allow us to see with "Kingdom eyes" To be broken for the things that break God's heart. He came in a way I was not ready for. As we drove into the Squatter Camp you could sense the darkness. Evil was more intense there today. I know I have talked to you about the squatter camp but I don't think I have mentioned the "Tree Line" This is a place where the young girls go to "sell themselves" for a loaf of bread or a piece of fruit. It is one thing to hear about these stories; it is another to put a face with the story.

We met a family of four sisters all under the age of ten and three of the four girls sell themselves every night. Did you hear what I said? All under the age of ten. This is a way of life for them; it is a way to provide for the family and a way to earn respect in the home. They don't smile, they don't laugh, they simply sit and stare, they don't even know how to be loved. When you try to pick them up, they are stiff and are stand offish. After a while the trust is earned knowing that you are not out to hurt them or take something away from them and they begin to warm up. The smiles come and the giggles of a careless child start to flow. I know now that God is faithful and his heart is breaking for these precious little ones. Will you pray for someone to rise up and teach this young generation to be children again, to trust in a God that provides. I believe that the Squatter camp will be a place of hope, love and forgiveness. I am excited to see lives changed for His glory!

Beautiful Morning

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Today I woke up to the beautiful sound of roosters crowing, goats crying and cows running down the dirt road It is my birthday and I had to laugh at God's humor! What a fun way to start the day, Well I am back in Africa leading the "real life" team and living in Swazi for the winter (your summer) The homestead we are living in has about fifty goats and twice as many chickens. I love it here. I love that as you walk or drive down the roads in America you have to share with the "bikers" but here you share with every farm animal you can imagine. I wish you could all come to experience the joy it is to lay down your American rights and just be, living with the people of Swazi has already taught me so much, the joy that they have is beyond me. I now know God gives grace to the broken. Can I tell you about a little boy named Zachela? He showed up on our homestead the day we arrived, and we have somewhat adopted him in to our family of 14, he will come early in the morning to eat with us and we give him a "babywipe" bath, this only makes him somewhat clean, his only outfit smells of soiled urine. Today I asked one of our brothers what his story was. He said that both parents abandoned him and he now lives with his granddad, the problem with this is that his grandfather will leave him for days, sometimes a week at a time to live by himself with no food or water. One of the team members had gone to the bathroom (outhouse) and heard a noise; she was shocked to see Zachela lying in the ditch next to our house. It breaks my heart to know he suffers from lack of love but the smile on his face is real, he has joy He will be with us as long as the Lord allows, he is one of us and we take him most everywhere. Please pray for him and all the others who are suffering, that they will find peace, love and joy ion the midst of the brokenness.

Coming Home

Wed, 9 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

This is the last blog I can write before I leave Africa. I fly home on the 17^th of May and come back on June 8^th with the team I am leading. I have to say that God has taken me on a journey of trust, love, brokenness and courage. I am grateful for the times of Pain because it has made my faith and courage rise above the fear and doubt. I am in awe at the way the Lord has opened up doors and allowed me to be in His presence. I love the way He has shown me His heart for the people of Africa and He has given me the burden prayer for His lost sheep. He is doing a lot that I can't talk about just yet, I need to get home and tell my family first, but please be in prayer that He will continue to open the doors that need to be opened. God is God and I am learning that He is doing a huge thing here and I love watching Him at work. I have also learned to sit back and rest in His goodness and His love. I will post again once I am home. Until then please continue to pray for His will to be done and that above all He is glorified!!!

Missing you and can't wait to see, talk and hug you guys

Heather

Perspectives

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Thank you for your encouraging letters after my last blog. I was struggling with the idea of painting what I deal with here and not making you think I have lost my mind, I am okay and I think I just need to vent a little. Things are not that bad here in South Africa and it was good for me to come back here and be refreshed, and soak in God's goodness.

I am going to give you a clip from my next newsletter that paints a broader picture.

The burden that I felt when I first came was both overwhelming and challenging. Who am I? Why am I here in the midst of darkness and evil, and what do I have to offer? These questions raged in my head and the feelings were starting to over take my spirit. I was hopeless and alone in a big country full of Satan and his demons. I was clueless; I cried out to God and wondered why he would put me in this hard place. It was not as easy as I thought it was going to be, and trust me I was prepared for what I thought was the worst. What I was not prepared for was the spiritual attacks and the warfare that are so prominent here. To be more than honest I was terrified, all the training in the world can't prepare me for Warfare here and I was feeling weak and too small for the task at hand. Everywhere you look people are dying, children are starving, people are being abused and it seems normal in this culture. I was struck by the evil that has invaded the people here.

My fault in the matter was I was leaning on my own strength and trusting a small god to do big things, I was not allowing God to come in power, I was only allowing him a portion because I was too scared that he would disrupt all that I knew. The moment I allowed him to come, he didYes it disrupted but it was good. I am convicted of being self centered, even ministry seemed to be focused around my feelings and hurt or pain, in reality God doesn't even need me here. I am but a vapor in the wind, but I want to take hold and be involved in a God who is moving and changing hearts and lives. Why is it that as humans we think it is about us, as if we have a gift that is needed and the world will die if we don't use it?

I know I am over exaggerating but you see my point? I fell on my face and cried to God that it is only about Him, He knows the pain in the world, He knows we are fallen, he knows it hurts, and He is coming in a wave to heal the broken and mend the wounded, to set the captives free, and I want in on that! I want to see the extraordinary things become daily life here. I want to live expecting God to do great things, Things that are out of my comfort zone. I want less of me and more of Him and I desire Him to strip me of myself so that all that remains is him and the light of hope will cause others to come, because they want hope, they want love, they want JESUS!!!

Joy and Pain

Fri, 13 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

You can tell I haven't written in a while and I have a ton of emotions wrapped up into one blog so please be patient with me, the end result will be good I promise.

Let's be honest Blogs give light to the reader, but it only goes as far as the viewer allows. I can only give perspective to what I see in a half truth. To be honest with you, I feel as if I die emotionally every day, and I know without God's word I would never make it. My friend Shannon emailed me a week ago and asked, " In the blogs everything sounds wonderful, but how are you really doing" I have wrestled with that question and have come to the conclusion that I am broken and some days feel as if I can't even move with out having a break down. I can't paint a picture well enough for you to see clearly, but the pain here is overwhelming. I know the "good Christian" answer is that I should know that touching one life here is worth it, but I often don't feel that way! Daily I struggle with telling a five year old girl that "everything will be okay and that Jesus loves her" and then send her home knowing she will be raped by her grandfather, beaten by her father or sold for the day to prostitution because her mom needs money for food. I sometimes shut down and don't feel anything for anyone, because it hurts too much. Some days I act like I don't know what happens to the children, but some days I just cry I love it here and I know God has a purpose but I need to also let you know how hard it is, I think you deserve to know so you can better know how to pray.

Okay this blog was going to be a happy one but even in writing my struggles it has helped. I was telling you the back ground so you could rejoice in what God has done. I was journaling a few days ago and telling God that I needed to see something good, I was starting to feel like everything that happens is painful. And I just wanted a touch from my daddy. You wouldn't believe how He heard and responded. Well many one you know but I am a proud aunt of a beautiful girl. She was born on April 5^th at 9:35am weighing 8lbs 1once, her name is Elizabeth Rose Goins but we are calling her Ellie, Many of you have been praying for the past nine months that Beth (my sister) would be protected and that the baby would make it to full term. Beth has lost two boys late in the pregnancy; Ellie is a miracle, and I am so grateful that God has brought her into the world. The latest thing that God did was touch my Grandfather who was given a few months to live due to cancer. The hardest part of leaving for Africa, was knowing that he only had 1 month left! But I felt I had to come in obedience. I received a phone call from my sister last night and his MRI came back with wonderful news. The brain tumor is not growing and they said it may not even be there

Praise God. He is the healer and the great physician. I give him the glory!!! Life is full of pain and joy.

Maybe if we lived a life without the pain we would never know joy in it's fullest

A day in the life of a child

Tue, 3 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

This past Friday I was in the squatter camp in a town called Manzini, We were going to work in a school, but I was drawn to stay outside the fence. As I sat there looking at two little boys playing with an old tire. I was reminded of my three nephews. I love that kids can make a toy or a game out of anything. They soon dropped the tire, and came to play "thumb war" with me. I tried not to win but my hands are much bigger than theirs and they had to laugh. I don't think I can describe the overwhelming smell that is covering these children. It is a little like molded trash and urine, not to mention that they are using you as a "jungle Gym" with only shirts on J for some reason that is small in comparison to spending time with them.

They are so young, and just out playing on the streets. I can't imagine letting my nephews even out of the yard much less to travel as far as they desire. I believe the children are forced to grow up fast here. Childhood is something that is better left in the past. The pain and neglect is just a part of life here and it is hard for me to grasp. It makes me want to bring them all home and give them love, but even then that would not be enough, they need Jesus, they need to see the heavenly Father's love and experience His healing power.

I also got to spend a lot of time with a two year old little girl who has Polio and her foot is twisted and growing up towards her thigh. At first it scared me, I have not seen that before, but she is just like the others, yes she has pain but she still has the best smile, and the most wonderful laugh. She made my day; I saw a glimpse of contentment. A joy in being around her and knowing that yes it is hard but for some reason their smiles and laughter through pain makes it all worth while; it was then I came to the realization that the Christian walk is beautiful, there are times when it is too hard to stand on my own, there are times when I want to throw it to the side, there are times when I want to wander away and forget about the worries, but then there are the times that I am able to recline at His feet and laugh and talk to Him, there are those times that I feel I could never be better, and although life is hard I can be joyful because I have hope, and I have a Father who cares about the smallest details. I am so grateful!

Laughter is Freedom

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

This is Tum he is one of the boys at the "Lesedi home" for children with HIV/AIDS, we went as a team today to watch a few of the children while the others were getting treated at the clinic. We played in the sand, but that didn't seem to be enough so we added water and Tum went crazy! He was laughing so hard, it was the simple act of getting dirty that he loved. We had to wash the kids in the hose outside before we were allowed in the home. I love the children's laugh, for some reason it is the sweetest sound, only in the fact that these children have been left with nothing and expected to die. This will blow your mind but it is reality here, many mother's will have the babies but then throw them in the out house and are left there to die. It is only God's grace that some of them are found in time. It breaks my heart in places I can't even speak of. So when I see one of these little ones laughing, it touches me deeply. I am also adding prayer request to this blog. We are in deep and need to be covered in prayer.

When we all came to Africa we were warned about the spiritual warfare we would encounter. I don't think we took this lightly as much as we were too nave to take it as serious as we should have. Now that we are here, we are experiencing things, our families are experiencing things and these things are spiritual and can only be battled in the spiritual realm. That is why we are writing, to build a prayer support. We don't know how to say this lightly, but we need people to commit to fight for us in their prayer and not just casually lift us up. We have entered warfare, and it is a more intense thing than any of us have ever seen. We were told it would be more intense and obvious, but that is always a preface for trips. Since being here we are seeing the effects of the warfare. Driving down the road you will see tape around trees that are a curse for accidents that the Satanist put there. In the townships there are witch doctors who dedicate their lives to Satan. People go to them for healing and many of them are taught to put curses on others. Just last week we prayed for a baby whose cousin put a curse of "death" on her, we prayed in the name of Jesus for her life and that curse be cancelled- she was healed! We have even seen satanic alters made over the townships we are ministering at. It is vital that as we minister we have a team of prayer warriors covering us in prayer and speaking out life over this country. The thing is, the people here are very connected to the spiritual. Their power is coming from darkness though. They believe in the spiritual realm and so it shows up. I know that this is hard to imagine in the States, believe us, it is hard to understand being in the face of it. But the more we see things happening around us, people being healed from sicknesses put on them by a witch doctor or people being released from oppression, the more we see the reality of the enemy working in this place against the work God has planned. Please pray as we face this everyday. This letter is not written out of fear, for we know we are more than conquerors through Him who loves us, but it is a letter for the body to specifically pray for the Kingdom of light to come.

My Heart

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

It was in the embracing of my broken that I could identify with others brokenness. It was my role to identify with others pain, not to relieve it. Ministry is sharing, not dominating, understanding not theologizing, caring not fixing
Mike Yaconelli

I have been learning this concept of ministry and what it truly looks like. I am broken but in my brokenness I am able to relate, I don't have to fix their problem only identify. I think then they will be released to see the power of God because they don't have a sense that they have to be a certain way before God will allow us to come to him, he simply says come. When the people around us see that we are just like them but in love with Christ how can they not be drawn. I am convicted of my pride; of thinking I could be rejected. If I am proud of my love, why would I not others to experience this as well? I am looking at life a little different now. I want to see with my Father's eyes, the love he has for his children and those who reject him. I think if we saw who Jesus was we could do nothing but radiate his goodness.

I have been spending a lot of time holding the little babies at an abandon baby home for infants who have HIV or AIDS. I still feel helpless, but I don't think that will ever leave. Scott my worship pastor reminded me, that holding the children is doing something and loving them is more than they have ever known. I was struck by that because it is nothing of us, but it allows God to be hands to that hurting child. Thanks Scott! I love hearing from you guys at home. It gives me perspective on the situation. While I am in it I get overwhelmed but hearing from the body brings life and blessings. I love each of you.

Deeper still

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I am finding that just when you think you know someone's story, you find there is still a deeper story. They are private people and I think it is hard to trust. They find it nice that you would desire to listen to their hearts but they don't let you all the way in. I am so glad that I am not here for just a short trip. Building deep relationships are vital here. It takes time and I am willing to give that! I feel God's heart for the people here. You can't imagine the pain and torture that is a part of these little ones lives everyday. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed. Child abuse, rape, beatings, malnutrition, it seems to never stop and I feel I can do nothing. It feels helpless but when I hold them and listening to them, it is allowing them to open up even if it takes a long time. And I am believing that God will bring healing and restoration to them at a deep level.

Please pray for the hearts of these young ones, it hurts but I would rather be here than anywhere. I am grateful that God has allowed me to come alongside Him! I must go for now but I love you all and hey a praise Anne got her plan ticket and will be here Wednesday!!!

Face to face with death!

Thu, 1 Mar 2007 00:00:00 GMT

Have you ever stared your biggest fear in the eye? I mean face to face with nothing to protect you? Well I never knew I had such a fear of Rhinos but I found out that it is a big fear of mine. I went on a safari and was enjoying God's creation, admiring the beauty of his creatures when suddenly our driver says "Get out of the truck, Walk with mehe said if the Rhino charges DO NOT RUN, I will tell you what to do from there." I soon realized how unsafe this was. Within a few short minutes I was five feet from a mother rhino, the baby was by her side, she was not happy we were there. I prayed more in that moment than I think I have in a long time. I was shaking so bad I almost dropped my camera, as I looked at our guide I could tell he was uneasy. The mother threw her foot back to warn us. I took it as a direct sign from God to get out of there. I started to move and heard a voice say "Heather if you move it will harm us all" it was one of the men on the drive, it didn't calm my spirit any to know he was terrified as well.

I thought it was a good analogy of the body, if I move without my guide (God) telling me it is safe, it affects not only myself but all those around me. God has been my guide this entire journey and I know the scary times are the times he ask me to wait and be still. The very times I feel I am alone and scared he ask me to trust in him "Do not run I will tell you what to do from there" I was reading in Psalm yesterday and the verse that stood out to me was "Be still in the presence of the Lord; and wait patient for him to act"

I am still in the waiting process as far as getting to Swaziland but God has been so good. I am living in a wonderful community with people of like mind and spirit. The place I am living is called Alabonza it is a sending out place for missionaries. I will stay here in South Africa for a few months and then we will see what God has. Please continue to pray, it goes against my personality to wait and see what God has. I like plans, but God has brought me to a place where I know he has my best inertest in mind and he is working even when I can't see the larger picture. I am so glad I am here. I love and miss you guys. Thank you for your continued prayers, and encouragement!

Starving for love

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT

It is hard to know to know who is a true Orphan here, They feel ashamed to say they have no one to take care of them, even if they only have an older brother they will say they have a parent! I met a little boy at of the care points who has only one brother who is three years older than him. This boy I am guessing is five years old. I was told he has been in the same outfit for the past two months. He is small due to lack of food but he seems more in need of a hug or a smile. He crawled up in my lap and the smell was overwhelming, I could tell he has not washed in a long time, But at that moment nothing else mattered to me but that this one little child felt loved. I held him close and he soon fell asleep. If I look at this land as a whole, I will get consumed and feel I can never help, what can I do? But I am finding out it is the one that you touch The one who feels the Father's love, the one who feels needed. If I am only here for the one, I will be content. I am so grateful to be in a place where I am so dependant on him. I am desperate and feel helpless, but I think that is where God comes in. He cares for the one individual and tends to them. I am just grateful that he is allowing me to be a part of his plan. I can't wait to see my little friend again; I am claiming his life for the kingdom!

A love for the lost

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I am still in Swaziland but will be heading to South Africa on Saturday.

I have been going to different care points what is a "care point" you ask? It is a place where the orphans can come and stay during the day, there Go-go's (Grandmother's) who volunteer to take care of the children during the day. They also feed the street children this is usually the only meal they eat all day. One of the care points I went to was in the rural area. The children ran to greet us as we were driving up. We were asked to come into the hut for lunch and were fed rice and beans. The women were so excited to see us they did not even eat. We brought them fruit as a gift and they kept trying to feed it to us, we would say no it is your gift you eat, after lunch I sat down on the ground and looked around me, children who had no parents, no one to love them, were laughing and running around, dancing and singing. This one little boy came and sat in my lap, put his head on my shoulder I started rubbing his back and singing a song, he didn't say anything just looked up and smiled. He had a bad case of worms and his little tummy stuck out like a pregnant women. He was so proud of his belly; he kept patting it and smiling. I can't wait to share more stories, I am grateful to be here and I am trusting that God will work out the details. The only way I was able to come to Africa right now was if I stayed in South Africa at a place called "Alabonza" It is a sending place for missionaries, but I still feel the call to Swaziland which is 5 hours away! Please pray that God will continue to direct my steps. Thank you so much for the prayers and emails, it means more than you could ever know. Knowing I have support in the states keeps me moving. God has been so good! I love you and look forward to hearing more from you.

Here in Africa

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 00:00:00 GMT

I am here in Africa and I can't tell you how wonderful it is. I will not lie this will be hard and I know I will have days where I wonder why I even came... But I see God here. I have heard the calling but it is different than being here. The people, the smells, the laughter and sweet hugs. I am in Swazi for now but will be heading into South Africa in a few days, Traveling back and forth trying to see where I need to be. Please be in prayer for me as I seek God and decide where he wants me. Anne who is on my team needs money for a plan ticket, please pray God will provide for her. I loveyou guys and feel great. This is it... I am glad I am able to be here. I will add pictures soon. Please email or post! I need to hear form you. I will post again soon!

Heather

Breath of life

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 00:00:00 GMT

For some of you I have kept no communication and if you have kept up with me though my blog you might assume I am still homeless. I am sorry for not bloging in a while. Life seems to never slow down, So much has taken place, and my heart has been in a process of healing for the past month. After Christmas I left for Nyack NY for training on emotional healing, the purpose of the class was to learn how to take people through prayer and emotional healing, but God had different plans He knew in order for me to take others through healing I must first experience it for myself.

God took me to places deep in my heart that I had closed the door on. They were dark places and I was able to allow God to bring light and show me his love in the middle my pain and fears. I felt a freedom from shame and self pity. I felt a release from the burden of past wounds and I was able to forgive and also receive forgiveness. God has started the process and I know he is not finished but I am thankful that I was able to be open with him and allow him to come in and clean the dirty wounds that were festering in my heart. I came to the realization that my flesh is ugly and sometimes my spirit is weak. I need him not only on a day to day basis but moment by moment. He has come to set us free to bring life.

I decided that I am going to stop living as a maidservant in God's kingdom, one who is bound in rags, and hangs her head low in fear of the King seeing who she truly is. I am going to start living a daughter and bride. I am going to step into the fullness of his love and bask in his presence knowing that I am my beloveds and he is mine.

Homeless for a day

Sat, 2 Dec 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I believe that the homeless are some of the most caring people in America.

Yesterday I spent a day as a "homeless person" I was scared going in to this thinking that the homeless would never believe me, and I expected the by standers to mock me. What I found was the homeless took me under their wing. They gave me their food, and told me their story of how they were now living on the streets. The sad thing was it was so simple. One man was married and had a son. The son died and then the marriage broke up. He become depressed and lost everything he owned. He was the very one that handed me his sandwich. He then proceeds to take me to a center for the homeless, where I was once again fed and given the opportunity to take a shower. I continued walking the streets and people would approach me not the ones that had money, not the ones who were eating out, or Christmas shopping. No they simply passed by, trying not to make eye contact with me. But the homeless approached me they would ask "Is this your first day on the streets"? Are you okay? I can help you find a place to stay for the night. I was so humbled. What do you say, how do you respond to someone who has nothing and offering you everything? I was at a loss of words.

I believe that due to the things that they have seen or experienced, they are more likely to look out for those in need. They know what it feels like to go without. They know the pain of loss. They are family and they have a deep care that we as Americans often forget. I believe we as Americans need to step up and take care of those in need. I believe that the Christian community needs to get out of their comfort zone, and bring food to the needy. Not physical food but the bread of life, Manna from God's word. And give them the living water so they will never thirst again. They need more than physical needs met they need a listening ear, a caring heart and a willing spirit to get dirty, to hug them when they smell, to embrace them as they are. This could change the Christians of America, as we go in; I believe we would be changed. Your life can't stay the same. Living in the midst of the loving homeless community you can't help but walk away changed, Even if you do only spend a day with them. I believe that Jesus would have walked with them, loved on them and taken them in. I was forever changed not just by how I viewed the homeless on the streets but my response to them when I am on the other side. This has to change. I want to make a difference; I want to be Jesus with skin on. I think I encourtered Jesus while I was on the streets. He was in the one who helped me find food, and the man that asked if he could pray for me. Jesus is alive and well and He truely made Himself known to me yesterday. I am grateful, I am encouraged and I am changed.

You are needed

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 00:00:00 GMT

When was the last time you slept on the street? When was the last time that you had to watch your child go hungry? When was the last time your child had to fend for himself and not have a safe place to go? Like most of us, the answer is never. However, for thousands of families in Swaziland, the answer might be yesterday. What would you do if your child was in such danger? What if there were people who could help, but chose to turn their backs? Would you accept it?

It is easy to forget and ignore the plight of children and widows who are 10,000 miles away while we are safe and secure in our world. You have a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to make a difference. With your help, we can change their future so.. that they may have life.

God puts opportunities in front of us to serve Him by helping others. This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities to make a real difference. Our faith and commitment to carry out God's Word and His work will have a huge impact on the widows and orphans of Africa. While the children and widows need life's basic necessities, without Christ's teachings, their lives will not be complete. We need to minister...that they may have life. This is a crisis and we need to come on board. I am answering the call to go, but I need an army behind me. This army needs to be as passionate as if they were physically going. Please pray about how you can help. The needs are prayer and financial. I can't go to Africa unless I have both. This may seem dramatic but I want you to know my heart for the people who are hurting, and need our help. I desire you to come alongside and partner with me. In doing so we can bring the Nation of Swaziland to a knowledge of God and who He is... How will they hear if no one will tell them? My heart is to change this nation one at a time. This is a dying Nation and they need Jesus

Reflections

Mon, 6 Nov 2006 00:00:00 GMT

At what point do you go? Forsake your life as you know it, and follow your calling? I have been struggling with this for the past few days. I wrestle with the fact that I know I am called to go, and, I have a deep desire to be in Africa, but I don't have the rest of my support in, and that means I would have to live by faith for food, water and shelter That type of faith excites me, but then I think of responsibilities back home such as bills, insuranceYou know the things that tie us down. I feel that burden of knowing that needs to be taken care of but also feel the burden to follow His calling. Where does faith and responsibility mesh? I am willing to count the cost and I know He will provide but what does that look like? You see I have been walking out this intense faith for nine months and I have seen His faithfulness Maybe not in the ways I thought, but He has made himself known. And now I stand once again at the base of the mountain knowing how hard it is to climb and I am tired, but if I don't press in, and get to the top I will miss the beautiful view. I know along the path there will be Pain and Tears, Joy and Laughter, Peace and Faith. I will not pretend this is an easy journey but it is one I know I am called to, and I will not back down from that calling. After all God never promised it would be easy.

God is molding, stretching, stripping and breaking me

But I shall be more beautiful for it.

Letting God be God

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I think God keeps bringing me back to the same issues letting Him reign.

I don't have a lot of words to say what I am processing in my heart, but my heart has so much inside. Sorry for the lack of words. I was in church yesterday and our worship leader Scott said something that blew me out of the water I think it wrapped up my thoughts of last week, will I still love Him if He choose to take away the things I hold dear He said "you either believe God is God or you don't. If you are going to allow Him to be God in the easy things you have to allow Him to be God in the big things." I was allowing Him to be God. Sure it is easy to let Him be God and give Him glory when He is good, but it is tough to even see Him when I am sitting in the Hospital staring at my Grandfather, and wondering if he will live. It is so easy to praise God when things are going my way, but we are called to more than that He wants ALL of useven when it gets tough! We live in a society that is focused on what we can get out of things; God calls us to live a life that gives Him glory for the good and the bad. If I truly believe He is God than why do I question? It is time to step up and praise Him for the God that He is. He deserves more than we give. He is our creator, God, King He is worthy of our praise!!!

I believe there is freedom when we allow Him to be God all the time.

Hard Questions

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I went to the mountains yesterday and I as I climbed to the top I felt this longing to know my Father in a way that goes beyond the "Christian walk" as I know it. I want to let Him out of this box that I have placed Him in. I decided to let my friends walk ahead and I just sat down and watched the sky. October skies have always caught my attention. There is something that happens in my spirit when I am in the cool crisp air and all I can see is the sky and clouds. I feel free. As I was sitting there I heard the question If all else fails would you still love me? Oh course God! Why would you ask me that? I heard again Will you choose to love me if all else fails? Then I stopped and began to get real with myself, I thought "if my Grandfather dies, will I still love you God"? "If you choose to take another one of my nephew's home before they have a chance to live, will I still praise you"? "Will I see you as the giver of life if a child dies of Aids while I am holding them?" "Will I bless your name in spite of "life" Then I was silent I wanted to scream YES! I will love you no matter what. You have my heart, you are sovereign. I trust you, but then I realized that I have never been in those situations before. As much as I desired to scream yes Lord, My heart felt heavy. I wasn't sure of my answer. Yes I will still love Him, but how will this change my heart? Will I still cling to Him in my time of pain and despair? I want to be so in love with Him that the world around me becomes as a shadow and as I press into Him the cares of this world will fade away. I desire that passion, that faith of fully trusting in His unfailing love and grace. I am by no means there, but I am striving.

I don't know if I have a complete answer yet, but He knows my heart.

Life in the big scheme of things

Thu, 5 Oct 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I feel this is a picture of my life right now

And no I am not the "Elephant" I am the small helpless "Mouse", If I step back and take a look at the small window of my Life it seems overwhelming. So much has taken place I have seen the beauty of new life and I have watched my Grandparents stare death in the face. I have had to face large giants with little success and have conquered walls I thought would never come down. I feel as if my life is closing in.

It made me think. Why do I think my life is so important? It is not about me or anything I can or can't do, it is about God receiving glory through His creation. That includes me. I am His image bearer. And trust me; God is much bigger than the elephant of "life". I love that my God has everything in control. That relieves a lot of presser for me. He is the giver and taker of life. He is a warrior and He fights for me. I may feel weak and frail right now, that just makes me more in love with my savior.

He is a faithful God even when I am not faithful; He loves in spite of me.

Aren't you glad we serve a God that loves us and holds us when we feel lost and afraid? I am

Africa or Bust

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

As I drove to training camp a few weeks ago I felt this burden in my spirit for Swaziland Africa. I wasn't sure what to do with this burden other than press it down, and swallow the fact that the Discipleship Team was going to be in the states. Still I had this longing for the orphans and the women who are there. During one of the evening services Gary Black said what "Key is God giving you?" meaning what desire has He placed on your heart? Everything in me screamed Orphans, Widows, the untouchables

The following day Erin came to me and said we have a location for the Discipleship Team My heart felt this overwhelming emotion. I wasn't ready to hear where we were going to be for the next two years. I have been in waiting for 8 months. It felt weird to finally know where we were going. I think the reason I wasn't ready was the simple fact I needed to prepare my heart for being somewhere other than Swaziland. Then I heard the news SWAZILAND!!!! My heart dropped, and I knew that after being still and waiting for eight months God had placed it on my heart to go. He has been preparing my heart to not live comfortable, to trust in His unfailing love and to see Him as my friend, family, Father and lover. He has to be my all. I have nothing else to lean on. The hardest part for me is to leave my family behind. He has commanded us to forsake family and follow Him. What a process this has been in my heart. He has been faithful to give me the strength I need for each day. I know if He has called me He will lead me.

Take our World back for Christ

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

I was HOMELESS

Desperate, alone, embarrassed and afraid. I was in a forgotten world, where no one cared. Where people would walk passed me and shutter at the site or the smell. I would cry out to them but they couldn't even make eye contact with me. I didn't even exist! I was hopeless and no one was there

I was covered in the smell of fish, vinegar, urine, trash and beer.

Would you like to know how I got into this mess? Well I am still at training camp. We decided to come up with a "No Hope Room" We (the leadership team) all had different roles. People getting stoned, a young teenager "cutting", a man abusing his wife, a mother crying because her baby was dying, homeless, suicide, someone just desperately screaming. The tent was dark but we had strobe lights going and loud music. The participants were pushed into the tent and told to make it to the other end. They were not allowed to touch us or talk to us. As I would cry out sometimes even using their names they didn't know what to do. Some just started crying. Others laughed . "Just a little bit of money, that is all I need. Just one more fix, and then I'll stop, I promise this is the last time"

"Please somebody help me" "I am desperate" These were some of the things I screamed out. Most of them hated being in there and went out quickly, others had to be forced to leave. They all came through a second time after debriefing and were then able to come and talk, pray or just be there. The music was still going; we were still screaming everything was the same the second time they came through, but this time they knew they wanted to help. Some people collapsed watching the abuse scene; others rushed over to the suicide scene and embraced the young girl wanting to kill herself. Saying "I have been where you are, you don't have to do this, there is hope, and His name is Jesus." Others came and just sat with me, held me hand and listened to me.

People, we live in a desperate World with hurting and lost people. This is stuff that goes on every day; We have turned our hearts and our heads too long. We need to start being Jesus to these hopeless people who are crying out, screaming for answers. We don't hear their screams because we don't listen with our hearts. We need to live radical for Him, He wants to work though us, but we are bound down by fear. It is time to step up and take this Nation and World back in Jesus Name.